I have failed. Again. After two years of much restrain and self control, I went berserk yesterday and roared at the delivery guy who made me wait the whole day for him, falsely accused me of not being home and was utterly rude. Technically speaking, I have every reason to be upset and every right to give him a piece of my mind. And I did. And I was the spectacle of the neighborhood when I roared at him at my front porch (if you know me, you’ll know that God has blessed me with a loud and pitchy volume). And it violated my conscience.
You see, I remember losing my cool two years ago screaming at another guy who ticked me off and I discovered it is not cool at all when I lose my mind and self control. Doing so never fails to make me feel like an uncivilized barbarian or a total idiot. Hence, to avoid the sleep-robbing-violation it does to my conscience, I vowed to never do so again in the future.
And yesterday I failed. Miserably. It was also the day that made me question if I’m a genuine Christian.
Ironically (or not), I was preparing to blog a post on the manifestations of the fruit of the Holy Spirit if we are real Christians. I guess God decided to use yesterday’s incident so that I can take a long hard look at myself in the mirror even as I write this.
“You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” – Matthew 7:16-20
If you read the Scripture right, going to church, reading the bible, praying and doing all sort of spiritual stuff does not make you more “Christian”. If you are for real, it’ll be undeniable and evident from the inside out. It will show. Just like a real tree and it’s fruits. Everyone will be able to identity what kind of tree you are by looking at the fruits you produce in your conversations, actions, behaviours, the principles and values that you practice and stand for. And the next scripture gives us exactly a list of these fruits that should be evident in our lives if we’re to call ourselves Christians.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” – Galations 5:22-23
There’s a Sunday School song that teaches us to remember these fruits and it’s deeply imprinted in my mind because I’ve been singing it since I was a kid. Now that I’ve grown older, I find myself asking, “Are these fruits evident in my life?” Well, judging by the incident, I definitely need a larger dose of patience, gentleness and self control. Add on kindness, goodness, peace and love (that’s almost all of them).
But there’s no need for me (or for you too, if you, like me, lack some of these fruits I’m your life) to feel utterly hopeless and guilty because I believe the manifestations of these fruits are a process until Jesus returns. It is Him who makes us perfect, not by our might, strength nor self-righteousness so that we can’t boast about it.
“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.” – 1 Peter 5:10
How about you? Which fruit do you need most to be evident in your life so that the world can recognize which vine do you belong to?