I’ve been very upset and depressed for the past month. Mainly because of work that’s not related to design or producing art where I excel best (lotsa admin, management, finance and other life-sucking tasks). I feel like I’ve no outlet nor the time to design new stuff and this has heavily bogged down my unfulfilled soul. It sucks to be a designer who cannot design (like a bird being caged when it knows it’s destiny is to fly high) since the essence of what we do is fueled by the satisfying of our curiosity, trying out the uncharted and creating new things.
So, I do what I usually do best! I bring my complains to God! You know, I’ve come to discover that He’s the best person to pour out your complains, frustrations and heartaches to. Mind you, I meant “pour out to” NOT “pour out at” (there’s a world of difference in these two postures and believe me, doing the latter doesn’t help the least). And guess what? God is BIG enough to handle your complains.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” – (Proverbs 13:12 NKJV)
As the Holy Spirit prompted me to read this verse, I’ve to ask myself, what is my heart’s greatest desire? God or design? Do I find more delight in God’s love or from loving my own designs/artworks? The answer’s pretty obvious judging from my month-long depressive state. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit never fails to gently remind us when we’ve strayed a little from the original path that He has intended for us.
Is your heart sick, like mine too? Has your heart’s desire been for God? When was the last time you delighted yourself in His Love when you were bogged down by the cares of this world? When was the last time you heard His soft, still whisper that made sense and clarity of all the mysteries that you’re going through? When was the last time you knew what you were doing was exactly what He has made you for?
Maybe now is a good time to do a quick (if not, long) check? And if it helps, do complain.