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My Complain

I’ve been very upset and depressed for the past month. Mainly because of work that’s not related to design or producing art where I excel best (lotsa admin, management, finance and other life-sucking tasks). I feel like I’ve no outlet nor the time to design new stuff and this has heavily bogged down my unfulfilled soul. It sucks to be a designer who cannot design (like a bird being caged when it knows it’s destiny is to fly high) since the essence of what we do is fueled by the satisfying of our curiosity, trying out the uncharted and creating new things.

So, I do what I usually do best! I bring my complains to God! You know, I’ve come to discover that He’s the best person to pour out your complains, frustrations and heartaches to. Mind you, I meant “pour out to” NOT “pour out at” (there’s a world of difference in these two postures and believe me, doing the latter doesn’t help the least). And guess what? God is BIG enough to handle your complains.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” – (Proverbs 13:12 NKJV)

As the Holy Spirit prompted me to read this verse, I’ve to ask myself, what is my heart’s greatest desire? God or design? Do I find more delight in God’s love or from loving my own designs/artworks? The answer’s pretty obvious judging from my month-long depressive state. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit never fails to gently remind us when we’ve strayed a little from the original path that He has intended for us.

Is your heart sick, like mine too? Has your heart’s desire been for God? When was the last time you delighted yourself in His Love when you were bogged down by the cares of this world? When was the last time you heard His soft, still whisper that made sense and clarity of all the mysteries that you’re going through? When was the last time you knew what you were doing was exactly what He has made you for?

Maybe now is a good time to do a quick (if not, long) check? And if it helps, do complain.

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The Thankful Complaints

I complain about being overly busy, occupied with work and barely have time for anything else. In my busyness, I can still manage to login to Facebook to keep in touch with loved ones, get almost seven hours of sleep everyday and share the same productive 24 hours with the rest of the world.

I complain about feeling sick, unhealthy, lethargic and tired. In my weakness, I can get up daily from my bed to face my tomorrows without the need of a life support system, I’ve a complete body (with all my limbs still attached and functioning), I can see, hear, feel, touch and taste, I can live my life doing “unhealthy” things like having supper late at night without having the need to fear that my body will fail to function and the list of “I can”s go on.

I complain about not having enough money to spend. In my scarcity, I’ve never been shortchanged of food on the table and a roof over my head or clothes to keep my warm in the cold nights, I’ve equipments to work with which some people could only dream of owning and I’ve the spare change to buy my friends a decent meal over dinner.

I complain about not being loved enough. In my loneliness, I’m engaged to the world’s most amazing girl, I’m remembered and invited to birthday parties, weddings and other festives, I’ve friends whom I can share my burdens with by being as transparent as I want, as weak and as vulnerable as I really am without fearing they’d judge me nor take advantage of me.

I complain about God being distant and quiet. In my disappointment, I’m beginning to see glimpses of His reflection (a mark clearly left in His creation and His people around me), I’ve found Godly men and women who exemplify God Himself and I’ve a spiritual family who’d never let me have the luxury of a quiet or dull life in their attempt to live a life of purpose.

I complain too much when I clearly have so much to be thankful for. For that, I am grateful.

“Praise the LORD, my soul! All my being, praise his holy name!
Praise the LORD, my soul, and do not forget how kind he is.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
He keeps me from the grave and blesses me with love and mercy.
He fills my life with good things, so that I stay young and strong like an eagle.
The LORD judges in favor of the oppressed and gives them their rights.
He revealed his plans to Moses and let the people of Israel see his mighty deeds.
The LORD is merciful and loving, slow to become angry and full of constant love.
He does not keep on rebuking; he is not angry forever.
He does not punish us as we deserve or repay us according to our sins and wrongs.
As high as the sky is above the earth, so great is his love for those who honor him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our sins from us.
As a father is kind to his children, so the LORD is kind to those who honor him.
He knows what we are made of; he remembers that we are dust.
As for us, our life is like grass. We grow and flourish like a wild flower;
then the wind blows on it, and it is gone— no one sees it again.
But for those who honor the LORD, his love lasts forever, and his goodness endures for all generations of those who are true to his covenant and who faithfully obey his commands.
The LORD placed his throne in heaven; he is king over all.
Praise the LORD, you strong and mighty angels, who obey his commands, who listen to what he says.
Praise the LORD, all you heavenly powers, you servants of his, who do his will!
Praise the LORD, all his creatures in all the places he rules. Praise the LORD, my soul! Praise the LORD, my soul!”

Psalm 103:1-22