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Why I Don’t Believe in Soul Mates

Personally, I don’t believe in the notion of soul mates. Well, not in the sense that God has a special person prepared for everyone. To believe that God has a special someone prepared for everyone is absolutely unwise, not to mention you’re only setting yourself up for a major lifelong disappointment (maybe that’s why a lot of Christians are still single in the church). Why? Well, this idea is absolutely not biblical.

Has God ever said “Wait, I will provide a soul mate for you?” in the Bible? If not, these are really unbiblical claims/statements similar to other popular and seemingly harmless statements such as “God only helps those who help themselves” (FYI, God loves helping the helpless).

Well, there are only a few incidences in the Bible where God specifically commanded someone to marry another person, and these are very special cases : Adam, Hosea and Joseph.

God had to intervene for Adam and make him a woman. Otherwise, none of us would be here (or we’d be a mix of humans and animals, eww). God also commanded the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, to teach the Israelites a lesson of his unfailing love despite their constant prostitution to foreign gods and idols. And God had to protect Mary’s controversial virgin pregnancy by telling Joseph to marry her (pregnancy before marriage during those times can cost you your life). So yeah, only these few people had the privilege of God pinpointing their spouses out for them.

Rather than waiting for God to drop a soul mate onto our laps, I believe He wants us to enjoy the journey of finding them! Don’t believe me? The scriptural evidence is overwhelming and I’m just gonna give a few.

“Who can FIND a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10 NKJV)
“He who FINDS a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 NKJV)
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to WHOM SHE WISHES, only in the Lord.” (I Corinthians 7:39 NKJV)

Notice the tone of the scriptures. The Bible tells us to find and marry whom we wish (as long as they are believers too, remember Jesus tells us not to be equally yoked with unbelievers). So, we are to find our soul mates! It’s an active search (just like when you lose your keys and you’ve to turn your entire house upside down to find that pesky little thing) and not a passive one (sitting there praying like mad yet doing nothing about it). So, to find a soul mate, is a good thing!

Here’s a great biblical and practical model taken from Genesis 24 of how Abraham finds a wife for his son, the story of Isaac and Rebekah.
1. Seek a mate – Abraham sent his servant to LOOK for a mate for his son.
2. Know what you want – Abraham had a clear list of the TRAITS he wants in his future daughter in law. And God gave it to him according to his requests!
3. Trust God to guide – PRAY! As we walk, God will direct! Not the other way round. That means you’ll need to hangout with girls and get to know them, not waiting for girls to practice their pickup lines on you.

I first heard of this biblical truth that we need to find our own spouses at a fairly early age through a sermon CD (thank God, otherwise, I’d still be waiting for God to drop me a soul mate). One of the truths I still remember vividly is this: Rather than looking for Mrs Right, be Mr Right for someone else. It is selfish to look for another to complete your lack. Love is not selfish. Rather, because we are complete in Christ, that’s why we can give to one another and please one another instead! Looking for the Mrs Right is about taking. Being Mr Right is about giving. The person you are married to IS your soul mate, hence, the vows “For better or for worse.” Marriage is something you’ll have to work towards together daily. Nothing’s gonna magically work themselves out. Don’t get married because you think she’s your soulmate. Get married and BE her soulmate!

This truth absolutely blew my mind and changed my perspective on relationships. Now, you know this truth too. Start being someone’s Mr/Mrs Right!