Posts

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Why I Don’t Believe in Soul Mates

Personally, I don’t believe in the notion of soul mates. Well, not in the sense that God has a special person prepared for everyone. To believe that God has a special someone prepared for everyone is absolutely unwise, not to mention you’re only setting yourself up for a major lifelong disappointment (maybe that’s why a lot of Christians are still single in the church). Why? Well, this idea is absolutely not biblical.

Has God ever said “Wait, I will provide a soul mate for you?” in the Bible? If not, these are really unbiblical claims/statements similar to other popular and seemingly harmless statements such as “God only helps those who help themselves” (FYI, God loves helping the helpless).

Well, there are only a few incidences in the Bible where God specifically commanded someone to marry another person, and these are very special cases : Adam, Hosea and Joseph.

God had to intervene for Adam and make him a woman. Otherwise, none of us would be here (or we’d be a mix of humans and animals, eww). God also commanded the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, to teach the Israelites a lesson of his unfailing love despite their constant prostitution to foreign gods and idols. And God had to protect Mary’s controversial virgin pregnancy by telling Joseph to marry her (pregnancy before marriage during those times can cost you your life). So yeah, only these few people had the privilege of God pinpointing their spouses out for them.

Rather than waiting for God to drop a soul mate onto our laps, I believe He wants us to enjoy the journey of finding them! Don’t believe me? The scriptural evidence is overwhelming and I’m just gonna give a few.

“Who can FIND a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10 NKJV)
“He who FINDS a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 NKJV)
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to WHOM SHE WISHES, only in the Lord.” (I Corinthians 7:39 NKJV)

Notice the tone of the scriptures. The Bible tells us to find and marry whom we wish (as long as they are believers too, remember Jesus tells us not to be equally yoked with unbelievers). So, we are to find our soul mates! It’s an active search (just like when you lose your keys and you’ve to turn your entire house upside down to find that pesky little thing) and not a passive one (sitting there praying like mad yet doing nothing about it). So, to find a soul mate, is a good thing!

Here’s a great biblical and practical model taken from Genesis 24 of how Abraham finds a wife for his son, the story of Isaac and Rebekah.
1. Seek a mate – Abraham sent his servant to LOOK for a mate for his son.
2. Know what you want – Abraham had a clear list of the TRAITS he wants in his future daughter in law. And God gave it to him according to his requests!
3. Trust God to guide – PRAY! As we walk, God will direct! Not the other way round. That means you’ll need to hangout with girls and get to know them, not waiting for girls to practice their pickup lines on you.

I first heard of this biblical truth that we need to find our own spouses at a fairly early age through a sermon CD (thank God, otherwise, I’d still be waiting for God to drop me a soul mate). One of the truths I still remember vividly is this: Rather than looking for Mrs Right, be Mr Right for someone else. It is selfish to look for another to complete your lack. Love is not selfish. Rather, because we are complete in Christ, that’s why we can give to one another and please one another instead! Looking for the Mrs Right is about taking. Being Mr Right is about giving. The person you are married to IS your soul mate, hence, the vows “For better or for worse.” Marriage is something you’ll have to work towards together daily. Nothing’s gonna magically work themselves out. Don’t get married because you think she’s your soulmate. Get married and BE her soulmate!

This truth absolutely blew my mind and changed my perspective on relationships. Now, you know this truth too. Start being someone’s Mr/Mrs Right!

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How to Die for an Ant

Good Friday and Easter is never just a holiday for me. While others are exchanging greetings of “Happy Easter holidays!” or “Happy Good Friday!”, the truth is, these days are a time of sobriety and solemnity to me.

You see, I’ve never (and still haven’t) understood why God would allow Himself to die on the world’s most cruel form of punishment, a crucifixion to demonstrate the greatest act of love of all times. It’s not even easy to think about sacrificing yourself and laying down your life for a loved one, for example, your family or friends who matter the world to you.

But… for an infinite God to give up His life for finite humankind?

Let’s put it in perspective. Will you die for an ant?

Yup. Sounds atrocious, almost offensive. Why would I give up such an awesome, wondrous life like mine for a worthless, puny and temporal little creature which is here for a moment and gone the next when I (or someone else) accidentally step on it? And how can you even compare the worth of my life (my achievements, intelligence, experience capability and good looks, if any) to an ant’s?

The gap sounds irreconcilable, like comparing heaven and hell.

Now, put yourself in God’s shoes, the Creator who breathed the entire Universe and Cosmos into being (without even lifting a single finger) with all your glory, might and splendour. Would you give up your life and everything you have for a worthless, puny and temporal little creature like a human being who is but a mere speck and shadow, here today and gone tomorrow?

I won’t. Frankly speaking, I won’t.

But God did otherwise. He did the unthinkable and unfathomable.

He came in the form of a helpless baby, lived amongst failures like us, was crucified like a criminal, died like a mortal human and on the third day, He is risen, conquering death and sin once and for all. And the motivation behind it all?

Love.

And this is my proudest achievement and greatest blessing in this life: to be given the chance to know my Saviour and to place my trust in my Redeemer.

And this is the reason why Good Friday and Easter is worth celebrating and rejoicing, if you ask me.

“For I am certain that nothing can separate us from His love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below—there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39

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When I Fall In Love

It is official. I am single but not available anymore (that explains the long silence in this blog, haha)

Yes, yes, for those who don’t know yet, I have a girlfriend already (finally, after my whole life of bachelorhood). I think my old timer friends will laugh a laugh of relief (to know that I’m really straight) over this post as they have been attempting to figure out who I liked for all our high school and elementary school years to the extent of accusing me as gay for not liking any girls at all. I know, those periods of our lives were the hardest to stay single as the raging hormones do not really help the idea of singlehood. But I guess my resolve to stay true to my principles were much stronger.

My principles were pretty set and clear to me even at a young age. Call me old fashioned if you want, I don’t care (I prefer the term “mature”). If being old fashioned got me the awesomest girlfriend in the world, namely Chrystin (you can find her picture in my Facebook), I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

I’m no love expert, but for those who are still single, may these “principles” of mine help you find your awesomest future partner (which I know I did).

1. True love waits.
It sounds really cliché, I know. But you see, it’s true in every facet of a relationship.

I waited all my life before I got into a relationship. The reason? Simple. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married then. Well, you can laugh if you want, but I think the goal of getting into a relationship is to STAY in a relationship. And that’s through marriage. If you can’t imagine getting married and popping up some kids, then forget it. Just stay single and don’t go about breaking every girl’s heart and along the way, yours too.

It took Chrystin more than half a year to decide whether she wants to be in a relationship with me. Six months of waiting (that’s longer than waiting for your IPhone to arrive). Just imagine! But I thought it was good test because even after half a year I was still waiting and was sure I wanted to be with her. Finally we got together because she couldn’t stand waiting anymore =)

This makes her very special to me. She’s my ONE and ONLY girlfriend. And I plan to keep it that way. But you might ask, how can I be so sure? Well, if things don’t work out, MAKE it work! It’s a whole principle on its own, I’ll probably talk about it sometime later.

2. The ball is in your hands, not God’s.
I really don’t believe in the notion of soul mates. I think it is because of such foolish mindsets (popularized by some churches or the ever unscrupulous Hollywood) that leave people single all their lives waiting and hoping for Mr or Mrs Right to appear out of a bush or fall from the sky or something. The truth is God doesn’t arrange soul mates for us! Don’t believe me? Open your Bibles and read for yourself of how God allows us to choose for ourselves a woman (or man) as future spouses! Just look up on the stories of Isaac and Rebekah or Jacob and Rachel. They (the hunks) chose for themselves if they wanted these chicks to be their wives! Even the Bible endorses us to choose (which means there’re MANY possibilities out there and NOT just ONE)! So, don’t just count on God to do the courting for you lest you end up as a celibate for life.

3. Don’t look for The One. Be The One.
No one is perfect. Period.

Instead of looking for someone who is perfect (which is impossible), I hold a principle of being the right one for the other person. I don’t quite remember where I heard this message but it did made a mark in my life to realize that love is never self seeking. It’s always about loving the other person unconditionally. It’s about changing your stubborn ways to please the other party. It’s a beautiful picture when both parties seek to do the same thing of being the right one for the other person. When you enter a relationship with this mindset of being the “right” one for someone else, the way you look at the relationship changes completely, which leads to my next principle.

4. It’s more blessed to give than to receive.
When people ask me what is the right time to start a relationship, I’d answer when I start working. I would not get into any relationships when I’m still studying. Now, this is purely MY opinion. I never said this is the right measuring stick for the question, which I will attempt to explain now.

So many times I’ve heard of couples starting a relationship because as singles, they feel lonely, they want to feel loved, accepted and etc. What a HORRIBLE excuse to get yourself attached to someone whom you’ll soon discover as a complete stranger, opposite from who you think he/she is. The truth is even when you’re in a relationship, there are times when you’d feel even lonelier, even more unloved, rejected and etc. You can’t patch your emptiness with an imperfect human (chances are, he/she is also trying to do the same thing). Probably that’s why divorces and breakups are so rampant, because the other party failed to “meet” their needs. It’s about giving, not receiving. If you’re still stuck with the notion of just receiving in a relationship, then you’re really stuck with these two choices. Santa Claus or Jesus Christ. One’s your dad and the other… hm, the best choice ever?! =)

Anyway, that’s why I will only start a relationship when I have a job. That’s when I have the power to earn and to give as much as I like (when you’re a kid or a student, you use your parents’ money and that’s not very impressive, dummy).

More than just giving material things, learning to give yourself wholly (which I am still learning to do so) is probably the most important thing to do for someone you love. Well, Jesus loved me and gave His life for me. If that’s what it means to love (by giving), then I’d model after His perfect love.