Why I Don’t Believe in Soul Mates

Personally, I don’t believe in the notion of soul mates. Well, not in the sense that God has a special person prepared for everyone. To believe that God has a special someone prepared for everyone is absolutely unwise, not to mention you’re only setting yourself up for a major lifelong disappointment (maybe that’s why a lot of Christians are still single in the church). Why? Well, this idea is absolutely not biblical.

Has God ever said “Wait, I will provide a soul mate for you?” in the Bible? If not, these are really unbiblical claims/statements similar to other popular and seemingly harmless statements such as “God only helps those who help themselves” (FYI, God loves helping the helpless).

Well, there are only a few incidences in the Bible where God specifically commanded someone to marry another person, and these are very special cases : Adam, Hosea and Joseph.

God had to intervene for Adam and make him a woman. Otherwise, none of us would be here (or we’d be a mix of humans and animals, eww). God also commanded the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute, Gomer, to teach the Israelites a lesson of his unfailing love despite their constant prostitution to foreign gods and idols. And God had to protect Mary’s controversial virgin pregnancy by telling Joseph to marry her (pregnancy before marriage during those times can cost you your life). So yeah, only these few people had the privilege of God pinpointing their spouses out for them.

Rather than waiting for God to drop a soul mate onto our laps, I believe He wants us to enjoy the journey of finding them! Don’t believe me? The scriptural evidence is overwhelming and I’m just gonna give a few.

“Who can FIND a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10 NKJV)
“He who FINDS a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 NKJV)
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to WHOM SHE WISHES, only in the Lord.” (I Corinthians 7:39 NKJV)

Notice the tone of the scriptures. The Bible tells us to find and marry whom we wish (as long as they are believers too, remember Jesus tells us not to be equally yoked with unbelievers). So, we are to find our soul mates! It’s an active search (just like when you lose your keys and you’ve to turn your entire house upside down to find that pesky little thing) and not a passive one (sitting there praying like mad yet doing nothing about it). So, to find a soul mate, is a good thing!

Here’s a great biblical and practical model taken from Genesis 24 of how Abraham finds a wife for his son, the story of Isaac and Rebekah.
1. Seek a mate – Abraham sent his servant to LOOK for a mate for his son.
2. Know what you want – Abraham had a clear list of the TRAITS he wants in his future daughter in law. And God gave it to him according to his requests!
3. Trust God to guide – PRAY! As we walk, God will direct! Not the other way round. That means you’ll need to hangout with girls and get to know them, not waiting for girls to practice their pickup lines on you.

I first heard of this biblical truth that we need to find our own spouses at a fairly early age through a sermon CD (thank God, otherwise, I’d still be waiting for God to drop me a soul mate). One of the truths I still remember vividly is this: Rather than looking for Mrs Right, be Mr Right for someone else. It is selfish to look for another to complete your lack. Love is not selfish. Rather, because we are complete in Christ, that’s why we can give to one another and please one another instead! Looking for the Mrs Right is about taking. Being Mr Right is about giving. The person you are married to IS your soul mate, hence, the vows “For better or for worse.” Marriage is something you’ll have to work towards together daily. Nothing’s gonna magically work themselves out. Don’t get married because you think she’s your soulmate. Get married and BE her soulmate!

This truth absolutely blew my mind and changed my perspective on relationships. Now, you know this truth too. Start being someone’s Mr/Mrs Right!


I Asked The Big “Will You?”

It is official. I am engaged!

Well, I planned to give myself to her as her 24th birthday gift =) So, this was what happened :

1. I conned her saying that we’re going for dinner with a few close friends from Puchong. I told her we’re going for steamboat porridge. You should’ve seen the cringe on her face. But I assured her that it was really nice, and it’s good to be adventurous and try new things.
2. Halfway through, we need to “pick up” Jackee (my accomplice) for the dinner. But the truth is, a whole bunch of them is already waiting at his house, throwing her a surprise party.
3. I called and found out that Jackee was not prepared yet (for dinner) when we reached his place and we need to go up to his apartment to wait for him while he showers since he just got home from work. I flashed my impatient, black face and she bought it due to my ever convincing acting. She thought I was really angry at Jackee for being late.
4. We went up to Jackee’s apartment, opened the door and wah lah, a whole bunch of people all crammed into Jackee’s kitchen right next to the door started singing the birthday song.
5. We had a chicken party (all sorts of chicken dishes such as chicken salad, chicken sandwich, fried chicken, chicken spaghetti, chicken stew and etc) because she loves chicken.
6. We talked, goofed around, shared with her our memorable moments together and did whatever we could to make her think that the party was over.
7. And then I initiated a gift opening session, and I happen to be the only one with a gift for her.
8. She opened my gift (a handmade doll that resembles me), got a shock when she saw the card that says, “Will you marry me?” I got on my knees and gave her a short speech of why she should marry me and told her I will not stand up unless she says “yes.”
9. She said “Yes!” and the crowd cheered!

So, yes. I am engaged.

The Proposal
The Mini-Me which I made (notice the distinctive hairstyle), the extremely girly card, the lucky girl and the crowd that witnessed the proposal (the guys were so pressured after that, Bernard had a major headache and Wai Kit nearly fainted).

I’m kinda sure a lot of people did not expect this coming from me and would ask questions like, “Are you guys ready for this?” or “Why so soon?” or “Do you have the money to get married?” and all sorts of other questions that the world bombards at people who have the slightest intention to tie the knot in marriage. The truth is, I don’t really understand why people are so concerned over such petty and trivial things. If I do love Chrystin, (and I have the blessings of our parents and spiritual leaders) then that’s all that matters. Everything else is secondary. Period. NOTHING else should stand in the way to hinder me from spending the rest of my life growing old with the love of my life.

If I was a girl and the man I love does not want to marry me because he thinks he’s not ready for marriage yet, then I’d be very offended. Offended because he’s not sure if I’m the girl he’d want to spend the rest of his life with. If I was a girl and the man I love does not want to marry me because he thinks he doesn’t have enough in his bank account, then I’d be very offended. Offended because money has robbed early marriage, youth and happiness from me. If I was a girl and the man I love does not want to marry me because he thinks he needs to climb the career ladder, buy a house, buy a car and get everything else so that I can live comfortably before he can marry me, then i’d be very offended. Offended because he did not include me in his life experiences and achievements. That is, if I’m a girl.

So, am I worried? Not really. I know everything will fall into place and I’d rather spend this time enjoying the planning, fussing around and working things out for our coming wedding with Chrystin (but I’m pretty sure she’ll be making most of the decisions =) Besides, the wedding should not be our main focus, but it should be marriage! Now, that I’m excited! =)