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When I Fall In Love

It is official. I am single but not available anymore (that explains the long silence in this blog, haha)

Yes, yes, for those who don’t know yet, I have a girlfriend already (finally, after my whole life of bachelorhood). I think my old timer friends will laugh a laugh of relief (to know that I’m really straight) over this post as they have been attempting to figure out who I liked for all our high school and elementary school years to the extent of accusing me as gay for not liking any girls at all. I know, those periods of our lives were the hardest to stay single as the raging hormones do not really help the idea of singlehood. But I guess my resolve to stay true to my principles were much stronger.

My principles were pretty set and clear to me even at a young age. Call me old fashioned if you want, I don’t care (I prefer the term “mature”). If being old fashioned got me the awesomest girlfriend in the world, namely Chrystin (you can find her picture in my Facebook), I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

I’m no love expert, but for those who are still single, may these “principles” of mine help you find your awesomest future partner (which I know I did).

1. True love waits.
It sounds really cliché, I know. But you see, it’s true in every facet of a relationship.

I waited all my life before I got into a relationship. The reason? Simple. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married then. Well, you can laugh if you want, but I think the goal of getting into a relationship is to STAY in a relationship. And that’s through marriage. If you can’t imagine getting married and popping up some kids, then forget it. Just stay single and don’t go about breaking every girl’s heart and along the way, yours too.

It took Chrystin more than half a year to decide whether she wants to be in a relationship with me. Six months of waiting (that’s longer than waiting for your IPhone to arrive). Just imagine! But I thought it was good test because even after half a year I was still waiting and was sure I wanted to be with her. Finally we got together because she couldn’t stand waiting anymore =)

This makes her very special to me. She’s my ONE and ONLY girlfriend. And I plan to keep it that way. But you might ask, how can I be so sure? Well, if things don’t work out, MAKE it work! It’s a whole principle on its own, I’ll probably talk about it sometime later.

2. The ball is in your hands, not God’s.
I really don’t believe in the notion of soul mates. I think it is because of such foolish mindsets (popularized by some churches or the ever unscrupulous Hollywood) that leave people single all their lives waiting and hoping for Mr or Mrs Right to appear out of a bush or fall from the sky or something. The truth is God doesn’t arrange soul mates for us! Don’t believe me? Open your Bibles and read for yourself of how God allows us to choose for ourselves a woman (or man) as future spouses! Just look up on the stories of Isaac and Rebekah or Jacob and Rachel. They (the hunks) chose for themselves if they wanted these chicks to be their wives! Even the Bible endorses us to choose (which means there’re MANY possibilities out there and NOT just ONE)! So, don’t just count on God to do the courting for you lest you end up as a celibate for life.

3. Don’t look for The One. Be The One.
No one is perfect. Period.

Instead of looking for someone who is perfect (which is impossible), I hold a principle of being the right one for the other person. I don’t quite remember where I heard this message but it did made a mark in my life to realize that love is never self seeking. It’s always about loving the other person unconditionally. It’s about changing your stubborn ways to please the other party. It’s a beautiful picture when both parties seek to do the same thing of being the right one for the other person. When you enter a relationship with this mindset of being the “right” one for someone else, the way you look at the relationship changes completely, which leads to my next principle.

4. It’s more blessed to give than to receive.
When people ask me what is the right time to start a relationship, I’d answer when I start working. I would not get into any relationships when I’m still studying. Now, this is purely MY opinion. I never said this is the right measuring stick for the question, which I will attempt to explain now.

So many times I’ve heard of couples starting a relationship because as singles, they feel lonely, they want to feel loved, accepted and etc. What a HORRIBLE excuse to get yourself attached to someone whom you’ll soon discover as a complete stranger, opposite from who you think he/she is. The truth is even when you’re in a relationship, there are times when you’d feel even lonelier, even more unloved, rejected and etc. You can’t patch your emptiness with an imperfect human (chances are, he/she is also trying to do the same thing). Probably that’s why divorces and breakups are so rampant, because the other party failed to “meet” their needs. It’s about giving, not receiving. If you’re still stuck with the notion of just receiving in a relationship, then you’re really stuck with these two choices. Santa Claus or Jesus Christ. One’s your dad and the other… hm, the best choice ever?! =)

Anyway, that’s why I will only start a relationship when I have a job. That’s when I have the power to earn and to give as much as I like (when you’re a kid or a student, you use your parents’ money and that’s not very impressive, dummy).

More than just giving material things, learning to give yourself wholly (which I am still learning to do so) is probably the most important thing to do for someone you love. Well, Jesus loved me and gave His life for me. If that’s what it means to love (by giving), then I’d model after His perfect love.

9 replies
  1. Alice in the wonderland
    Alice in the wonderland says:

    I give you A++ for this principle. :)) It's so true cuz my bf was telling me the same thing when he has me. =))

  2. Lynn F
    Lynn F says:

    eh..!haha.. i'm engaged to hannah from allsaints la :p

    still single lah..don't spoil my market..!hahahaha =p

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